This could be useful..

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish..................................49.
Adventurous......................Slept with everyone.
Athletic................................No breasts.
Average looking.................Moooo.
Beautiful.............................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure..........On medication.
Feminist..............................Fat.
Free Spirit..........................Junkie.
Friendship first..................Former Slut.
New-Age.............................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned.....................No B.J.'s
Open-minded......................Desperate.
Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.
Professional........................Bitch.
Voluptuous..........................Very fat.
Large frame........................Hugely fat.
Wants soul mate.................Stalker.


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes.........................................No
No..........................................Yes
Maybe....................................No
We need...............................I want
I am sorry.............................You'll be sorry
We need to talk...................You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead....................You better not
Do what you want...............You will pay for this later
I am not upset......................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're attentive tonight.........Is sex all you ever think about?


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

I am hungry..........................I am hungry
I am tired..............................I am tired
Nice dress...........................Nice cleavage!
I love you..............................Let's have sex now
I am bored...........................Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?....................I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?...............I'd like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie?.......I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner?..........I'd like to have sex with you.
I don't think your shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay.